I’m not proud of the traits I have shown over the last few months. In times of turmoil I move into protect mode and that means I get mean. I’m a brick wall. Ready to argue with words that will cut to the bone. I attack before the enemy can lash out at me.
I recognize this and though I try and temper it, I come out fists swinging.
So now I need to hold myself with compassion and not judgement or shame.
You are allowed to protect yourself. It’s amazing that your body will go to this other place in order to do what is needed to make you feel safe. It will look after you until you are in a better place where you can look after yourself. Love your body, love yourself.
This doesn’t mean all my actions are forgiven. It’s means I have much to learn. At 41, I’m only just beginning to really understand cause and effect within myself. How external forces and internal forces play and war. How fascinating.
I feel my body still has much to share with me, and now that I’m listening hopefully I will hear what it needs to tell me.